Week 6: What You Say When You Talk to Yourself

Week 6 of 16 · Test Cycle 1. This lesson is part of The Black Belt Mindset, the character curriculum every new Mile High Karate student begins with, by Grand Master Stephen Oliver and Grand Master Jeff Smith. Every week stands alone, so a student can start with any lesson.

“If you learn to think positively, your subconscious will go along, even working for you while you sleep.”

Chuck Norris

On this page: Read the chapter · Workbook lesson · For instructors: Mat Chat

Read: What You Say When You Talk to Yourself

I started karate in 1969. I was a kid in Tulsa, Oklahoma. My school was the Tulsa branch of the Jhoon Rhee Institute. My first teachers were two Black Belts named Bob Olinghouse and Gran Moulder.

Those were the “Blood and Guts” days. Hard training. Hard contact. No participation trophies.

Here is what I remember most. The hardest part of class was not the push-ups. It was not the sparring. It was the little voice in my head.

You know the voice. It talks to you all day long. It says things like, “You can’t do that.” Or, “Everybody is better than you.” Or, “You might as well quit.”

That voice is called self-talk. And this lesson is about how to make it work for you instead of against you.

Everybody Talks to Themselves

You talk to yourself more than you talk to anyone else. Most of the time, you do not even notice it.

When you wake up, you say something to yourself. Maybe it is, “Ugh, I’m so tired.” Maybe it is, “Today is going to be a great day.” When you see a hard math problem, you say something to yourself. When you try a new kick, you say something to yourself.

Here is the big secret. Your brain believes what you tell it.

If you tell yourself, “I’m bad at math,” your brain says, “Okay, got it.” Then it stops trying so hard. If you tell yourself, “I can figure this out,” your brain says, “Okay, let’s go.” Then it gets to work.

Your brain is a little like a computer. A computer does what it is programmed to do. Your self-talk is the program. If you put in good words, you get good results. If you put in bad words, you get bad results.

A Habit Like Your Seatbelt

Think about your seatbelt. Nobody is born knowing to buckle up. Somebody had to teach you. Then you practiced it. You did it over and over. Now you do it without even thinking.

Self-talk works the same way. Most of us got into bad self-talk habits without trying. We heard “no” and “you can’t” so many times that we started saying it to ourselves.

The good news? A habit you learned is a habit you can change. You can practice good self-talk until it is as automatic as your seatbelt.

Here is a kid example. Imagine a student named Maya who is learning a new form. She keeps mixing up the turns. In her head she says, “I’m so dumb. I’ll never get this.” Now imagine she changes one sentence. She says, “I’m still learning this form. I get better every time I practice.” Same girl. Same form. But now she is practicing instead of giving up.

Here is an adult example. Imagine a dad who has to give a talk at work. He keeps saying, “I always mess these up.” What if he said, “I’m prepared, and I speak clearly”? He would walk into that room standing taller. His words would change his posture. His posture would change how he feels.

Five Kinds of Self-Talk

For many years, Mile High Karate students read a book called What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Dr. Shad Helmstetter. He explained that self-talk comes in five levels. Here they are in plain words.

1. ”I can’t.” This is the giving-up level. “I can’t do push-ups.” “I’m no good at this.” This kind of talk keeps you stuck.
2. ”I should.” This is the wishing level. “I should practice more.” It sounds better, but it often comes with a guilty feeling, and nothing changes.
3. ”I don’t do that anymore.” This is the deciding level. “I don’t quit anymore.” Now you have made a choice.
4. ”I am.” This is the Black Belt level. “I am strong.” “I am a hard worker.” “I am a person who finishes what I start.” You talk about the person you are becoming as if it is already true.
5. ”Everything is connected.” This is the big-picture level. It is about feeling part of something good and bigger than yourself, like your family, your school or your community.

Most of the action happens at levels 1 through 4. Your job is to catch yourself at level 1 and move up.

Catch It, Cancel It, Change It

You cannot fix a problem you do not notice. So the first step is to listen.

For one day, listen to what you say to yourself. Every time you hear “I can’t,” “I’m bad at,” or “I’ll never,” stop. Catch it. Then say, “Cancel that.” Cancel it.

Next, say the opposite in a strong voice. Say it like it is already true. Change it.

• “I can’t do this kick” becomes “My kicks get better every class.”
• “I’m always late” becomes “I am on time.”
• “I’m shy” becomes “I like meeting new people.”

At first, this will feel a little silly. That is okay. The first time you buckled your seatbelt, it felt strange too. Keep going.

Out Loud, Quiet and On Paper

You can practice good self-talk in different ways.

Say it quietly in your head. This is great in class. When your instructor shows a hard technique, say, “I can learn this,” in your mind.

Say it out loud. Stand in front of a mirror. Look yourself in the eye. Say your words with energy. Out-loud words stick better than quiet ones. Your kiai is self-talk, too. That is part of why it gives you power.

Write it down. Put your self-talk on a card. Tape it to your mirror, your desk or your lunchbox. Read it every morning and every night.

Say it again and again. One time is not enough. Remember the seatbelt. You learn by repeating.

How a Black Belt Does It

1. Listen. Notice what you say to yourself, especially when things get hard.
2. Cancel it. When you hear “I can’t,” say “Cancel that” right away.
3. Replace it. Say the opposite as if it is already true: “I can,” “I am,” “I do.”
4. Write it tonight. Before you go to bed tonight, write one “I am” sentence on a card and put it on your mirror.
5. Watch your words to others, too. The way you talk about yourself to friends becomes the way you think about yourself.

Remember

• Everybody talks to themselves. Your brain believes what you tell it.
• Good self-talk is a habit, just like buckling your seatbelt.
• Catch it, cancel it, change it.
• Say it, write it and repeat it every day.
• Black Belts write “I will,” not “I might.”

Workbook Lesson: Week 6

Print the full workbook below, or answer these on paper. Young students can have a parent help them read and write.

1. Words to Know

• Self-talk: the words you say to yourself in your mind or out loud
• Habit: something you do so often that you do it without thinking
• Program: the instructions that tell a computer, or a brain, what to do
• Cancel: to stop something and erase it
• Essay: a short piece of writing that tells what you think and why

2. Fill in the Blank

1. Your brain what you tell it.
2. Catch it, cancel it, it.
3. Good self-talk is a habit, just like buckling your .

3. Think About It

1. Write down one “I can’t” sentence you have said to yourself. Now rewrite it as an “I can” or “I am” sentence.
2. Before a world title fight, Grand Master Smith told himself, “I’ve worked a long time for it.” Then he planned to double his training. What is something you have worked hard for? What will you do next?
3. Where is a good place in your house to put a self-talk card so you see it every day? Why?
4. Teens & Adults: Name one “I always” or “I never” statement you make about yourself. How has it affected your choices? Rewrite it.

5. Activity: Cancel and Replace

Write three things the “bad voice” says to you. Under each one, cancel it and write a strong Black Belt sentence that says the opposite, as if it is already true.

7. My Self-Talk

Write your own “I am” sentence about the person you are becoming. Make it short, positive and in the present tense.

8. Live the Creed

Say the Student Creed out loud every day this week. Then write about one time this week you showed Indomitable Spirit.

For Instructors: Week 6 Mat Chat

A 3–4 minute line-up lesson built on the Hook, Teach, Story, Ask, Commit formula, with a discussion guide for every age on the mat.

Objective: By the end of this Mat Chat, students will be able to name the three steps of Positive Self-Talk (catch it, cancel it, change it) and turn a negative “I can’t” into a positive “I am” sentence out loud.

Prepare:

• Index cards and a marker to show a sample “I am” card for the mirror.
• A short list of common class negatives to call out in the Ask (“I can’t do push-ups,” “I’m too slow”).
• Recruit a Black Belt or Leadership Team helper to demonstrate the Cancel Partner high block with you.

The Mat Chat (3–4 minutes)

Hook (0:00–0:30). Students, eyes on me. Who talks to you more than anyone else in the whole world? Your mom? (No!) Your teacher? (No!) You do! All day long, there’s a voice in your head. Sometimes it sounds like a great coach. Sometimes it sounds like a grumpy critic. Today you learn how to fire the critic. Our key word is CANCEL. Say it like you mean it! (CANCEL!)

Teach (0:30–1:30). Our Black Belt Success Skill is Positive Self-Talk. A Black Belt is in charge of the conversation inside their own head. Here’s the secret: your brain believes what you tell it. It works like a computer, and your self-talk is the program. Put in “I can’t,” and your brain stops trying. Put in “I’m getting better every class,” and your brain gets to work. So we use the Black Belt method. Catch it. Cancel it. Change it. When you hear “I always mess this up,” catch it. Say, “Cancel!” Then change it: “I’m learning this, and I get better every time.” This is not pretending. If you miss a kick, you missed it. But a Black Belt doesn’t say, “I’m terrible.” A Black Belt says, “Chamber higher. Again.”

Story (1:30–2:30). When Grand Master Oliver started karate in Tulsa, Oklahoma, in 1969, training was tough. Hard contact. No participation trophies. But the hardest part of class was not the push-ups. It was not the sparring. It was the little voice in his head saying, “You can’t do that. Everybody is better than you.” He had to learn to talk back to it. Grand Master Smith learned it, too. In 1975, he was getting ready to defend his world title for the first time. A reporter asked about the fight. He said, “I’ve worked a long time for it. I’ve won a lot of titles.” That’s not bragging. That’s a champion reminding himself of the truth. Then he said what came next: “I’m going to probably double my training.” First, remind yourself what you’ve done. Then tell yourself what you’ll do next.

Ask (2:30–3:15). So let me ask you. Who is in charge of that voice? (I am!) What are the three steps? (Catch it, cancel it, change it!) What does the bad voice sometimes say in class? (I can’t! I’m too slow!) Let’s practice. When I say a “can’t,” you shout “Cancel that!” Ready? “I can’t do push-ups!” (Cancel that!) “I’ll never learn this form!” (Cancel that!) Hands up if you can change it into an “I am” sentence. [Call on two students.] (I am getting stronger every class!)

Commit (3:15–3:45). Here is your 7-day challenge: Mirror Talk Week. Write one “I am” sentence on a card and tape it to your mirror. Every morning and every night, look yourself in the eye and say it three times with energy. Then write three sentences: why you WILL be a Black Belt, who you’re becoming, and what you’ll do after. Not “want to.” WILL. That’s self-talk for your Black Belt date and beyond. What do we do with “I can’t”? (Cancel it!)

Discussion Guide

Aim: Help students notice their own self-talk, practice catch it, cancel it, change it, and leave with one strong “I am” sentence they will say in the mirror every day.

Little Dragons (ages 4–6)

1. When you say “I can’t,” what do we shout? Show me your Cancel high block!
2. Can you say “I am strong!” with a big kiai voice?

Kids (ages 7–12)

1. What does the bad voice sometimes say to you in class, and how could you change it?
2. How is good self-talk like buckling your seatbelt?
3. Where in your house is the best place to put your “I am” card so you see it every day? Why there?

Teens and adults

1. What “I always” or “I never” statement do you make about yourself at school, work or home? How has it shaped your choices?
2. Grand Master Smith reminded himself what he’d done, then said what he’d do next. How could you use that before a test, a game or a big meeting?
3. How does the way you talk about yourself in front of friends or family change the way you think about yourself?

Listen for:

• Your brain believes what you tell it; self-talk is the program.
• Catch it, cancel it, change it, and say the new sentence as if it is already true.
• Positive self-talk is honest, not pretending: name the fix (“Chamber higher. Again.”).
• Repetition builds the habit: out loud, on paper, every day.

Follow-up questions:

• What would you say to yourself the very next time you miss a kick in class?
• What would that “I am” sentence sound like said out loud, with energy?
• Who at home could help you remember to say your card morning and night?

Into the Mat Drill

• Mat drill: Cancel Partner: Partner A says a common negative (‘I’m too slow’). Partner B blocks with a high block and shouts ‘Cancel!’ Together they change it (‘I’m getting faster every class!’). Switch roles.
• Leader role: A Black Belt or Leadership Team helper demonstrates the Cancel Partner drill with the instructor and then circulates to coach partners who get stuck finding an “I am” replacement.
• Open next class: Open next class by having three students say their “I am” card out loud with energy, and ask for a show of hands on who said it morning and night every day.

Black Belt and Beyond: Module 6: Black Belt Essays, Performances and Testimonials

Checkpoint: Preview classes for invited families

• Feature a Black Belt essay or performance (a different one from Module 3).
• Share a parent testimonial about long-term results such as grades, confidence and focus.
• Students begin their 3-sentence draft “Why I will be a Black Belt” on the workbook page; collect a testimonial for each student file.

Adult and parent tip: Parents: listen for how you talk about yourself in front of your child this week. Adults: notice the first thing you say to yourself after a mistake, and change it.

Teaching tip: Make “Cancel that!” a class call-and-response. Whenever a student says “I can’t,” the whole class calls out “Cancel that!” and the student restates it as “I can.” Keep it playful, never shaming.

Download the complete books (PDF): The Black Belt Mindset · The Workbook · The Instructor’s Manual

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