Week 8: Courtesy and Respect

Week 8 of 16 · Test Cycle 1. This lesson is part of The Black Belt Mindset, the character curriculum every new Mile High Karate student begins with, by Grand Master Stephen Oliver and Grand Master Jeff Smith. Every week stands alone, so a student can start with any lesson.

“Respect begins the first time a martial arts student steps into a dojo and bows to his instructor.”

Chuck Norris

On this page: Read the chapter · Workbook lesson · For instructors: Mat Chat

Read: Courtesy and Respect

The first thing you learned at Mile High Karate was not a kick. It was a bow.

Before you ever threw a punch, you bowed to the flag. You bowed to your instructor. You bowed to your partner. Some new students think the bow is just a habit, like saying “Ready, go!” before a race. It is a lot more than that.

A bow says, “I see you. I value you. I will take care of you while we train.”

I started training in 1969 at the Jhoon Rhee Institute in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Back then, training was tough. Sparring was hard contact, and nobody wore pads. People got hurt. Many students quit after their first few classes. That was just how karate was done in those days.

Then my teacher, Grand Master Jhoon Rhee, changed it.

The Day Grand Master Rhee Changed Karate

In 1969, at a tournament, one of Grand Master Rhee’s students was kicked in the face. The kick broke a bone in his cheek. Grand Master Rhee could have said, “That’s karate. Get tougher.” He didn’t.

Instead, he went to work. He created foam pads to cover the hands, the feet, and the head. His idea was simple. He asked why you would cover the whole body when you could just cover the four “weapons”: the two fists and the two feet.

That safety gear changed the martial arts. Today almost every karate school in the world uses some kind of padded gear. Years later, his kind of gear was used at the Olympics in Sydney, Australia, in 2000.

Why am I telling you about foam pads in a lesson on respect? Because that gear is respect you can hold in your hand.

Grand Master Rhee once asked a newspaper reporter, “What is so great about beating people?” He believed karate was about building good people, not about hurting people. He wanted students to train hard and still go home safe. That is what respect for your training partner looks like.

When you put on your sparring gear, you are making a promise. You are saying, “I want to get better, and I want you to get better too. I will not try to hurt you.”

What Courtesy and Respect Mean

Courtesy means good manners. It is the polite way you speak and act with other people.

Respect goes a little deeper. Respect means you treat people as if they matter, because they do.

Courtesy is what people see on the outside. Respect is what you feel on the inside. A Black Belt has both.

At Mile High Karate, we teach a simple set of words of respect:

• “Yes, sir.” “No, sir.”
• “Yes, ma’am.” “No, ma’am.”
• “Please.”
• “Thank you.”
• “You’re welcome.”

These words are small. They are also powerful. They work in class, at home, at school, and at work. They cost nothing. And they tell the world what kind of person you are before you do anything else.

Here is a kid example. Imagine you ask your mom, “Can I have a snack?” Now imagine you say, “Mom, may I please have a snack?” Then, when she hands it to you, you say, “Thank you, ma’am.” Same snack. Very different student.

Here is an adult example. Picture two people calling a company to fix a billing mistake. One yells. The other says, “I know this isn’t your fault. Could you please help me fix it?” Which caller do you think gets better help? Courtesy is not weakness. It is smart.

Respect Is Not Just for Grown-Ups

Some people think respect only goes up. You respect your teacher, your boss, your parents. That is true. But a Black Belt also shows respect sideways and down.

You respect your classmates, even the ones who are new and clumsy. You respect younger kids. You respect the person who cleans the school, the cashier at the store, and the bus driver.

Here is a test I like. How do you treat people who can’t do anything for you? That is the real measure of your respect.

When you hold a kicking target for a white belt, hold it as carefully as you would for a world champion. When a little brother or sister wants to play, be kind, even if you are busy. When a new student joins class, smile and help them find their place in line.

Respect for Yourself

Respect starts with how you treat other people. But it also includes how you treat yourself.

You respect yourself when you take care of your body. You eat good food, get enough sleep, and train hard. You respect yourself when you keep your uniform clean and your belt tied right. You respect yourself when you don’t let anyone talk you into doing something you know is wrong.

People can tell when you respect yourself. You stand taller. You look people in the eye. And you find it easier to respect others too.

Respect for Your Rivals

Here is the hardest kind of respect: respect for someone you are competing against.

When you spar, the person across from you is trying to score on you. In a tournament, they want the trophy you want. It is easy to start thinking of them as the “enemy.”

A Black Belt doesn’t think that way. Your partner is the reason you get better. Without a good partner, you could never find out how good you really are.

When Respect Is Hard

Sometimes another person is rude to you. Maybe a kid at school says something mean. Maybe a driver cuts you off. Maybe a coworker takes credit for your work.

You do not have to like what they did. But you can still choose how you act. Being rude back only adds more rudeness to the world.

A Black Belt answers with calm. You can say, “Please stop,” in a firm, polite voice. You can walk away. You can tell a parent, teacher, or boss. What you don’t do is let someone else’s bad manners take away your good ones.

Grand Master Rhee had a saying: “Nobody bothers me.” Later he made it even better: “Nothing bothers me.” That doesn’t mean nothing ever happens. It means you decide what gets inside your head.

Graduation: Respect on Display

At a belt graduation, you can see respect everywhere. Students line up straight. They bow when they step forward. They bow when they receive their new belt. They thank their instructors and their parents. Then they cheer for every classmate, not just their friends.

Here is something I want you to notice at your next graduation. The new belt is tied around your waist, but it was not earned by you alone. Your parents drove you to class. Your instructors corrected you, again and again. Your partners held targets and let you practice on them. A Black Belt never forgets that. Respect includes saying thank you to the people who helped you get there.

How a Black Belt Does It

1. Thank someone tonight. Before bed tonight, look a parent in the eye and thank them for one specific thing they did to help you train.
2. Bow like you mean it. Stand tall, look at the person, and bow with care. Your bow is a message.
3. Use the words of respect every day. Say “please,” “thank you,” and “yes, sir” or “yes, ma’am” at the school, at home, and at work.
4. Take care of your partner. Use control. Wear your gear. Hold targets well. Say “thank you” after every drill.
5. Respect people who can’t do anything for you. Be kind to the new student, the little kid, and the stranger.

Remember

• A bow says, “I see you, I value you, and I will take care of you.”
• Courtesy is good manners on the outside. Respect is care on the inside.
• The true test of respect is how you treat people who can’t do anything for you.
• Respect yourself, too. Stay away from habits that hurt you.
• Every new belt is earned with help. Say thank you.

Workbook Lesson: Week 8

Print the full workbook below, or answer these on paper. Young students can have a parent help them read and write.

1. Words to Know

• Courtesy: good manners; being polite in how you talk and act
• Respect: treating people like they matter, because they do
• Rival: someone you compete against for the same goal
• Control: using only as much power as you need, so no one gets hurt
• Graduation: a ceremony where students receive their new rank

2. Fill in the Blank

1. Grand Master Rhee created foam pads to cover the two fists and the two .
2. The real test of respect is how you treat people who can’t do anything for .
3. Grand Master Smith said his rival was “a pretty good .”

3. Think About It

1. What does a bow say to the person you bow to?
2. Write down the words of respect we use at Mile High Karate. Which one is easiest for you? Which one do you forget most?
3. Who helped you earn your last belt? How can you thank them?
4. Teens & Adults: Respect includes respecting yourself. What habit are you keeping that does not respect the person you are becoming? What will you do instead?

5. Activity: My Respect Map

Draw yourself in the middle of the box. Around you, draw or write five people you see every week (a parent, a teacher, a classmate, a coach, a neighbor, a store clerk). Next to each person, write one way you will show them respect this week.

7. My Self-Talk

Write your own “I am” sentence about respect. Use words you would really say. Example: I am respectful to every person I meet.

8. Live the Creed

Say the Student Creed out loud every day this week. Then write about one time this week you showed Courtesy.

For Instructors: Week 8 Mat Chat

A 3–4 minute line-up lesson built on the Hook, Teach, Story, Ask, Commit formula, with a discussion guide for every age on the mat.

Objective: By the end of this Mat Chat, students will be able to explain what a bow means, use the words of respect correctly, and name one person who helped them earn their belt and how they will thank them.

Prepare:

• A set of sparring pads (gloves and foot pads) to hold up during the Story.
• Recruit a Black Belt or Leadership Team helper to demonstrate a proper bow, eye contact and firm handshake.
• Graduation details on hand (time, walk-on order) for rehearsing during the drill.

The Mat Chat (3–4 minutes)

Hook (0:00–0:30). [Bow to the class.] Students, eyes on me. What was the very first thing you learned at Mile High Karate? A kick? (No!) A punch? (No!) A bow! (A bow!) A bow says, “I see you. I value you. I will take care of you while we train.” That’s a lot of meaning in one little move. Our key word today is RESPECT. Say it, then bow! (RESPECT!)

Teach (0:30–1:30). Our Black Belt Success Skill is Positive Respect. Courtesy is good manners, what people see on the outside. Respect is what you feel on the inside: treating people like they matter, because they do. A Black Belt has both. Our words of respect are small but powerful: “Yes, sir.” “Yes, ma’am.” “Please.” “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” They cost nothing, and they work in class, at home, at school and at work. Here’s the real test of respect: how do you treat people who can’t do anything for you? The new white belt. Your little brother. The person who cleans the school. And there’s a second half that many people miss: respecting yourself. Good food, enough sleep, and staying away from habits that hurt the person you’re becoming.

Story (1:30–2:30). [Hold up sparring pads.] When Grand Master Oliver started training in 1969, nobody wore pads. Sparring was hard contact, and people got hurt. Then, at a tournament, one of Grand Master Jhoon Rhee’s students was kicked in the face. It broke a bone in his cheek. Grand Master Rhee could have said, “Get tougher.” Instead, he created foam pads for the hands, the feet and the head. He once asked a reporter, “What is so great about beating people?” Your sparring gear is respect you can hold in your hand. Grand Master Jeff Smith won his world title in 1974 partly because of respect. His opponent was penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct. Grand Master Smith kept his self-control. Later, when a reporter asked about that rival, he said, “He’s a pretty good person.” Tough and respectful. Those go together.

Ask (2:30–3:15). So let me ask you. Why do we bow before we train with a partner? (To show respect! To say we’ll take care of them!) Grand Master Rhee asked, “What is so great about beating people?” What do you think he meant? (Karate is for building people up, not hurting them!) What does a great bow look like? (Stand tall! Look them in the eye!) Now think: who helped you earn your belt? Turn to a partner, name that person, then show each other your best bow. Go!

Commit (3:15–3:45). Here is your 7-day challenge: The Words of Respect Week. Every day, use “yes, sir,” “yes, ma’am,” “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome” at home without being reminded. And thank one person each day who helps you. Start tonight: look your mom or dad in the eye and say thank you. Every belt on the way to your Black Belt, and beyond, is earned with help. How do Black Belts treat people? (With respect, every time!)

Discussion Guide

Aim: Help students connect respect to everyday actions (the bow, the words of respect, control with partners) and leave ready to thank the people who helped them earn their belt.

Little Dragons (ages 4–6)

1. Show me a good bow. Are you standing tall and looking at me?
2. When someone gives you something, what do you say? (Thank you!) Can you say it with “sir” or “ma’am”?

Kids (ages 7–12)

1. Why do we bow before we train with a partner? What is the bow saying?
2. How can you show respect to someone who can’t do anything for you, like a new white belt or a little brother or sister?
3. Who helped you earn your belt, and what is one specific thing you will thank them for?

Teens and adults

1. Grand Master Smith called his rival “a pretty good person” before their rematch. How do you show respect to someone you are competing against at school, in sports or at work?
2. When someone is rude to you, how can you stay respectful without letting them push you around?
3. Respect includes respecting yourself. What habit are you keeping that doesn’t respect the person you’re becoming, and what will you do instead?

Listen for:

• A bow means “I see you, I value you, and I will take care of you.”
• The real test of respect is how you treat people who can’t do anything for you.
• You can be tough and competitive and still respect your rival; control and self-control are respect.
• Every belt is earned with help, so a Black Belt says thank you.

Follow-up questions:

• What would that look like at home tonight at dinner?
• What words exactly will you use when you thank that person?
• How would your training partner know you respect them, even in hard sparring?

Into the Mat Drill

• Mat drill: Black Belt Introduction: partners practice standing tall, bowing with care, making eye contact, giving a firm handshake and saying ‘Thank you, sir’ or ‘Thank you, ma’am.’ Then rehearse how to walk onto the floor and bow at graduation.
• Leader role: A Black Belt or Leadership Team helper demonstrates the bow, eye contact and handshake, then partners with the newest or youngest students during the Black Belt Introduction drill.
• Open next class: Open next class by asking students to raise a hand for each day they used the words of respect at home without a reminder, and have two students share who they thanked and what they said.

Black Belt and Beyond: Module 8: Graduation and the Black Belt and Beyond Invitation

Checkpoint: DEADLINE: belt graduation date. Qualified (A, A, A) students move to the Black Belt and Beyond conference.

• Feature one final Black Belt essay or performance at graduation.
• Families complete the workbook self-assessment (home / school / karate) and Black Belt Guarantee; review it with each family.
• Present the “Black Belt and Beyond” Special Invitation to qualified students and book each family’s Black Belt and Beyond conference.

Adult and parent tip: Parents: model the courtesy you want your child to show when you speak with staff, and come to graduation to cheer. Adults: say thank you to every person who serves you this week.

Teaching tip: Have young students practice the words of respect as a call-and-response game: you ask a question, they answer with “Yes, sir!” or “Yes, ma’am!” as loud and clear as they can. Then catch and praise kids who use them unprompted during class.

Download the complete books (PDF): The Black Belt Mindset · The Workbook · The Instructor’s Manual

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