Week 14: You Are in Charge of You

Week 14 of 16 · Test Cycle 2. This lesson is part of The Black Belt Mindset, the character curriculum every new Mile High Karate student begins with, by Grand Master Stephen Oliver and Grand Master Jeff Smith. Every week stands alone, so a student can start with any lesson.

“Under pressure you need to slow down, control your thoughts, and control your movements.”

Chuck Norris

On this page: Read the chapter · Workbook lesson · For instructors: Mat Chat

Read: You Are in Charge of You

When I started training in Tulsa in 1969, there was not much padding. It was hard training and hard contact.

Things changed. In 1969, a student of Grand Master Jhoon Rhee had his cheekbone broken by a kick at a tournament. Grand Master Rhee did not just shrug. He went to work. He created foam pads for the hands and feet, and for the head. Those pads changed the martial arts.

Today, at Mile High Karate, we wear safety gear and we spar with control. Some people think control makes karate softer. They have it backward.

Anyone can swing wildly. Anyone can lose their temper. It takes real skill to throw a fast kick and stop it exactly where you want. It takes real strength to stay calm when someone bumps you.

That skill is called self-control. And it is one of the most important things you will ever learn.

Mighty Means In Control

At Mile High Karate we teach a saying: ”A mighty person is one who has control over their emotions.”

Notice it does not say a mighty person is the one with the biggest muscles. It does not say a mighty person is the one who yells the loudest. A mighty person is the one who is in charge of their own feelings.

Feelings are not bad. Everybody gets mad. Everybody gets scared. Everybody gets frustrated. The question is: Who is the boss, you or the feeling?

When the feeling is the boss, you say things you don’t mean. You hit things you shouldn’t hit. You quit things you should finish.

When you are the boss, you feel the feeling, take a breath and then choose what to do.

You Can’t Control What Happens. You Can Control What You Do.

Lots of things happen that you do not get to choose. Rain cancels your game. Your sister eats the last cookie. Your teacher gives a pop quiz. Somebody cuts in line.

You don’t control those things. But you always control your response. That means what you do next.

Here is a kid example. Imagine a boy whose brother knocks over his Lego tower. His first feeling is anger. He wants to knock over his brother. Instead, he stops. He takes a deep breath. He says, “Hey, that made me mad. Please don’t touch my stuff.” Then he tells a parent. Nobody gets hurt. He stayed in charge.

Here is an adult example. Imagine a woman driving to work. Someone cuts her off in traffic. She wants to honk and yell. Instead, she takes a breath and lets it go. Ten minutes later, she gets to work calm and has a good morning. The other driver did not ruin her day, because she did not let him.

That is self-control. Same feelings. Better choices.

The Voice in the Middle

Here is something most people never notice. Between what happens and what you do, there is a little voice. It is the voice in your head. It is your self-talk.

When the brother knocks over the tower, the voice might say, “He did that on purpose! Get him!” Or it might say, “I’m mad. Breathe. I can fix this.”

Same tower. Same brother. Different words in the middle. Different ending.

That is why self-control and self-talk go together. If you want to be in charge of what you do, start by being in charge of what you say to yourself.

Black Belts use three simple steps:

1. Catch it. Notice the angry or negative words in your head. “I always mess this up.” “This is so unfair.”
2. Cancel it. Say “Cancel!” to yourself. Don’t let the old words run the show.
3. Change it. Say something better. “I’m mad, and I’m in charge.” “I’m learning this, and I get better every time.”

You don’t pretend the bad thing didn’t happen. You just refuse to let the angry voice make your choices.

The ABCs of Staying Safe and Calm

At Mile High Karate, we teach a simple way to handle trouble. We call it the ABCs.

A — Avoid. The best fight is the one that never happens. Stay away from dangerous places and people who are looking for trouble. If you can walk away, walk away.

B — Breathe and stay calm. Take a slow, deep breath. In through your nose. Out through your mouth. Breathing tells your body to calm down. A calm mind makes better choices.

C — Communicate with confidence. Stand tall. Look the person in the eye. Use a strong, clear voice. “Stop. I don’t like that.” Confident words stop a lot of trouble before it starts.

Martial arts gives you the skills to defend yourself. Self-control is what makes sure you only use them when you truly need to. A Black Belt never fights to show off. A Black Belt fights only to protect.

The Pause Button

Imagine you have a pause button inside you. When a big feeling shows up, you press it.

During the pause, you do three things:

1. Breathe. One slow, deep breath.
2. Think. “What happens if I do what I feel like doing? Is that what I want?”
3. Choose. Pick the response a Black Belt would pick.

The pause might only last three seconds. But those three seconds can save a friendship. They can keep you out of trouble. They can keep you from saying something you will be sorry about later.

The more you use your pause button, the stronger it gets. Just like a muscle.

Self-Control Is More Than Anger

Self-control is not only about anger. It is also about:

• Not eating the whole bag of chips
• Turning off the video game when it’s time for homework
• Waiting your turn to talk
• Staying still in your stance when your legs are shaking
• Getting up when your alarm goes off instead of hitting snooze

Every time you choose what’s best over what’s easy, you are using self-control.

How a Black Belt Does It

1. Use your pause button today. The next time a big feeling shows up, stop and take one slow breath before you speak.
2. Catch, cancel, change. Notice angry or negative self-talk. Say “Cancel!” Then say something better.
3. Remember your ABCs. Avoid, Breathe, Communicate with confidence.
4. Choose best over easy. Homework before games. Practice before TV.
5. Spar with control. In class, show your skill by putting every technique exactly where you want it.

Remember

• A mighty person is one who has control over their emotions.
• You can’t control what happens. You can control how you respond.
• Between what happens and what you do is your self-talk. Make it a coach.
• Catch it. Cancel it. Change it.
• Power without control is a problem. Power with control is a skill.

Workbook Lesson: Week 14

Print the full workbook below, or answer these on paper. Young students can have a parent help them read and write.

1. Words to Know

• Self-control: being the boss of your feelings and actions
• Self-talk: the words you say to yourself in your head
• Response: what you do after something happens
• Emotions: feelings, like happy, sad, mad or scared
• Critic: someone who points out what is wrong

2. Fill in the Blank

1. A mighty person is one who has control over their .
2. The ABCs are Avoid, , and Communicate with confidence.
3. Black Belts make the voice in their head a coach, not a .

3. Think About It

1. In Grand Master Smith’s 1974 world title fight, how did self-control make a difference?
2. Think of a time a feeling was the boss of you. What did the voice in your head say? What could it say next time?
3. What are the three steps: Catch it, ____ it, ____ it? Give an example.
4. Teens & Adults: Where in your life do your feelings most often make the decision for you? What calm sentence will you say to yourself there?

5. Activity: Catch, Cancel, Change

Write three things the angry or negative voice says to you. Next to each one, write “Cancel!” and then the calm, strong sentence you will say instead.

7. My Self-Talk

Write an “I am” sentence you can say to yourself when you start to feel upset. Example: I am calm, and I am in charge.

8. Live the Creed

Say the Student Creed out loud every day this week. Then write about one time this week you showed Courtesy.

For Instructors: Week 14 Mat Chat

A 3–4 minute line-up lesson built on the Hook, Teach, Story, Ask, Commit formula, with a discussion guide for every age on the mat.

Objective: By the end of this Mat Chat, students will be able to demonstrate the pause button (one slow breath) and the three steps Catch it, Cancel it, Change it by saying a calm, strong sentence out loud in response to a frustrating moment.

Prepare:

• Prepare three or four quick frustrating scenarios to call out (for example: “Your brother knocked over your tower!” “Someone bumped you in line!” “You missed your board!”).
• Recruit a Black Belt or Leadership Team helper to model a controlled technique that stops exactly on target.
• Have sparring gear ready for controlled partner sparring after the drill.

The Mat Chat (3–4 minutes)

Hook (0:00–0:30). Students, who decides whether you have a good day or a bad day? Your brother? (No!) The weather? (No!) Your teacher? (No!) Here’s the truth. Lots of things happen that you don’t get to choose. Rain cancels your game. Somebody cuts in line. Your sister eats the last cookie. You don’t control those things. But you always control what you do next. Today you’re going to learn how a Black Belt does it.

Teach (0:30–1:30). At Mile High Karate we say, “A mighty person is one who has control over their emotions.” Not the biggest muscles. Not the loudest voice. Feelings aren’t bad. Everybody gets mad. Everybody gets frustrated. The question is, who’s the boss, you or the feeling? Here’s the secret. Between what happens and what you do, there’s a little voice in your head. Our Black Belt Success Skill is Positive Self-Talk. Black Belts make that voice a coach, not a critic. Our key word is CHOOSE. You choose the words, so you choose the action. Three steps. Catch it: notice the angry words. Cancel it: say “Cancel!” Change it: say one calm, strong sentence, like “I’m mad, and I’m in charge.” You don’t pretend nothing happened. You just don’t let the angry voice make your choices.

Story (1:30–2:30). Grand Master Jeff Smith knows this better than anyone. On September 14, 1974, he fought for the PKA World Light Heavyweight Championship. Full contact. In the final, he faced a tough fighter named Wally Slocki. Slocki won the second round. The fight was close. Then, in the third round, Slocki lost control, and the referee penalized him for unsportsmanlike conduct. Grand Master Smith kept his cool. When it was over, all seven judges voted for him. He was the new world champion, and he held that title until 1980. Think about it. He was one of the hardest hitters of his time, with 32 wins and only 1 loss. Yet the night he won the world title, control was the difference. As Chuck Norris said, “Under pressure you need to slow down, control your thoughts, and control your movements.” Power without control is a problem. Power with control is a skill.

Ask (2:30–3:15). What does a mighty person control? (Their emotions!) What are the three steps? Catch it… (Cancel it! Change it!) Does a coach say, “You’re terrible, quit”? (No!) Show me your pause button breath. [Breathe with the class.] In through the nose, out through the mouth. Now turn to a partner. Tell them one calm sentence you could say the next time you feel mad. Hands up if your partner’s sentence sounded like a coach.

Commit (3:15–3:45). Here’s your 7-day home challenge: Pause Button Week. Every day, catch one moment when you feel mad, frustrated or impatient. Take one slow breath, say “Cancel!” to the angry thought, and choose a Black Belt response. Write down the calm sentence you used. This week you’ll also write your Black Belt Essay. Write why you WILL be a Black Belt. Not maybe. Will. Every calm choice is a step toward your Black Belt date, and beyond. Who’s in charge of you? (I am!)

Discussion Guide

Aim: Help students see that the moment between what happens and what they do is where they get to choose, and give them a concrete tool (breathe, catch, cancel, change) they can use at home, at school and at work.

Little Dragons (ages 4–6)

1. Show me your pause button breath. Can you freeze like a statue and breathe slowly?
2. If your brother knocks over your blocks, can you say “Cancel!” and use your words instead of your hands?

Kids (ages 7–12)

1. What is something that makes you really mad or frustrated? What does the voice in your head usually say then?
2. What calm, strong sentence could you say to yourself instead?
3. Grand Master Smith’s opponent lost control in the third round. What do you think was going on in that fighter’s head?

Teens and adults

1. Where in your life (traffic, a difficult coworker, a sibling, a teacher) do your feelings most often make the decision for you?
2. After you make a mistake, is the first thing you say to yourself a coach or a critic? What would the coach say instead?
3. Self-control isn’t only about anger. What “easy over best” choice (phone, snooze button, snacks) would the pause button help you with this week?

Listen for:

• You can’t control what happens, but you can control your response.
• Self-talk is the voice in the middle; changing the words changes the action.
• The steps: breathe, catch it, cancel it, change it to one calm, strong sentence.
• Control is strength, not weakness: power with control is a skill.

Follow-up questions:

• What would that look like at home tomorrow when someone bugs you?
• How long does a pause button take? (Just a few seconds.) What could those few seconds save?
• Who in your family could help remind you? What if “Cancel!” became your family code word?

Into the Mat Drill

• Mat drill: Freeze, Breathe, Cancel: the instructor calls out a frustrating moment (“You missed your board!” “Someone bumped you!”). Students freeze in fighting stance, take one slow breath, shout “Cancel!” with a high block, then say a calm sentence together (“I’m in charge. Again!”). Finish with controlled partner sparring where every technique stops exactly on target.
• Leader role: The Black Belt or Leadership Team helper models a fast technique that stops exactly on target before the drill, then partners with any student who needs help keeping control during sparring.
• Open next class: Open next class by asking students to hold up fingers for how many days they pressed their pause button, and invite two volunteers to share the calm sentence they used.

Black Belt and Beyond: Module 6 (revisited): Black Belt Essays, Performances and Testimonials

Checkpoint: Preview classes for invited families

• Have students expand their earlier 3-sentence draft into a full Black Belt Essay (self-write) using the workbook page.
• Invite two volunteers to read their essays to the class; praise “I will” language.
• Collect essays and family testimonials for the student file; keep strong ones for future Black Belt Stories.

Adult and parent tip: Parents: make “Cancel!” a family code word, and help your child answer the three essay questions without writing it for them. Adults: notice whether the first thing you say to yourself after a mistake is a coach or a critic.

Teaching tip: Practice the pause physically: call out a frustrating scenario (“Your brother knocked over your tower!”), have students freeze, take one slow breath together, shout “Cancel!”, then say a calm response out loud. Repetition turns it into a habit.

Download the complete books (PDF): The Black Belt Mindset · The Workbook · The Instructor’s Manual

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Train at Mile High Karate Thornton, 3979 E 120th Ave, Thornton, CO 80233. Call (303) 280-1839, or see class schedules and enrollment at ThorntonMHK.com.